About

It is 6 years since my daughter died and then was born
Lifeless but womb-warm
And in the time since
I have begun to understand
The nature and danger of potential

A pregnant pause

Just as every conversation you could ever have with a person exists in a second of silent possibility
And then you choose
And they are grateful for your voice
Unconscious that in your choice they have lost
Every other life they might have had
Before you spoke
So she was
Silently there, then gone
And I was loud with loss and the betrayal of something I had believed to be certain

In the years that followed
I dismantled the life that she would have shared
Shattered flimsy things I’d once thought sure
Exhausted every hidden clause
Forced finality
Sought resolution
Until I was left with a present where I couldn’t
Conceive of how she would have lived
I made her my fate
So her death was rendered inevitable

Now I pause again
The moment is fecund
Grossly ripe with futures
And they will all be lost
Save one