Little Losses

My daughter does not want to have two homes.
She stamps her feet
And hugs herself with rage
Her belly starts to boil
Nnnnnnnnngggghhh
Mmmmmmmffffffff
Eck-ck-ck-ck-ck-ck
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She is not a girl anymore, but
STEAM
I am grumpy and I will not be NICE
She hisses
I will not say
THANK YOU
or
PLEASE
or even
I LOVE YOU
You and you and me and you
We are The Rottens

And zip your mouths up
Tight
She says
And we obey.
I catch his eye
And see the same combination of
Pain and mirth
That I am feeling
Because she is angry and hilarious
Our girl
I will NOT go there
It is my choice
And if I go there it is because you are
MAKING
me
You are MAKING me.

And we are.
We can no longer share
Here, the family home
Instead
They will have another bed
Elsewhere
We must
We’ve been apart
But still together
For far too long
The steam condenses
And turns to tears
I am not grumpy now
I just have fear
I have a nervous belly, Mummy
So have I
It is a scary thing
To change the way things are
We feel it too.

But still we know that
Life can be good
People can be kind
It is an act of faith
To leave our hurt behind
And look ahead
To a world that doesn’t look how we thought it would
With hope
And love
And family
Redefined.